Richard Templar once set a rule that says “keep it under your hat, nobody really wants to know”. Explaining the rule in my own words – a friendly dude rings a girl who he met recently to check on her and went ahead to ask, “How are you?” What the dude wants to hear is the basic answer in one word, “Fine.” As a girl, even if all things are headed south for you, that one word is, all he wants to hear because anything more will require commitment on his part. No dude really wants to hear your stories, what he wants is just “Fine.” If you don’t say “Fine” but instead unburden yourself, he will back off pretty quickly, regretting why he asked in the first place or see you as a gold digger or lastly, see you as girl that can be bought with gifts so quick.
HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?
We know what it means for a random guy to buy gifts for a random girl.
“Hello, how are you?” I spoke with quite a number of Nigerian guys who opened up on the issue of asking a girl this question. Felix says, “When I ask a girl that question, all I expect to see on the chat is ‘I’m fine, and you?’ If I get her issues as a reply, I’ll just read the chat and ignore”. Dapo thinks it is improper for a lady to roll her stories over the guy’s ears, “most ladies use it to chase us away so I just play along and buy her over to my bed.” Andy confesses that he doesn’t ask that question anymore because the ladies pour their issues to the guy’s feet forgetting that the guy also might have his financial issues to deal with.
For me, I always salute and give much respect to ladies who reply with the simple “I’m fine”. I didn’t ask because I want to solve whatever issues you’re having. Who told you I don’t have my own issues to deal with? I asked because that’s what good friends are suppose to do and not because I want to be your camel and have your load placed on my back. Fear God!
Let’s hear our ladies talk about what they feel when that question is asked and what they feel is right to say plus the reasons why some of them unburden their issues on the guy’s head.
AND THE GIRLS SAY
Doyin says there’s no wrong in going beyond the regular answer of “I’m fine”, rather it depends on how dear the guy is to the girl and vice versa. “For a guy who’s dear to the lady, he wouldn’t expect to hear ‘I’m fine’ when she’s actually dying. Does he?” “For a case of asthma, she’s having her crisis and he asks how she is and she replies fine when she can hardly breathe. No boy in such dear position would realize he was lied to and not feel distrusted or cheated or she’s starving and she keeps it away from a dear guy when he’s just a breath away.”
She however has this to say concerning the guy who isn’t dear to her. “But for that random or new guy asking ‘How are you?’ I’m totally fine as a lady who knows you ain’t even dear enough to offer anything elating”. “Sadly some silly ladies even let it all out to a stranger showing how helpless they are with no esteem”.
In the end, she believes no guy dear to the girl really wants to hear the regular answer “I’m fine” but the real truth of how she’s really feeling.
Edore gave a similar opinion but in a different version, “I usually answer with ‘I’m fine’ but if you’re more than a friend I’ll drop my problems at your feet. There are different types of problems; emotional, financial, spiritual, academic and so on”. However, she feels financial problems shouldn’t be shared as she admits to being a proud lawyer in the making. “Every big girl should fix her financial problems herself but I’ll download all my other problems. We’re friends. You can do that for me”.
IS THAT WHY WE HERE?
For me, it’s this: don’t tell me your issues like you want help. Tell them to me like you want advice and you might get both. Don’t use my innocent question to quickly do fund-raising chat for yourself. Since sharing problems can only be done between dear friends and not mere friends, “If a mere friend places burden on my head, I’ll quickly back off after all that’s not why we are here. But if I don’t back off, then you’re my new friend with benefits”, says Andy.
For every mere female friend, I’ll let the girl know this is not why I’m on her list, supporting what Doyin and Tosin said, but if you are dear, it will not mean the same however not all your big issues must be mine, hold on to your financial issues.