Anytime I recall this particular story of my close friend’s elder brother, I suddenly find myself giving definitions to the word “define”. How silly that might sound yet it is the reality and once you find the proper definition for the word “define”, you begin to see that you use it more often. Truth is, many things we fail to define fail to go as thought; even the Constitution of Nigeria will define the tiniest term so one will know what he’s dealing with.
My friend’s elder brother married someone he probably wouldn’t have loved to marry because he failed to define what was going on between him and the babe. His name is Uncle Tunde*. Uncle Tunde’s story with his wife began in his university days – he was onto the “catch them young” adventure when he eventually caught one chic that later became the aunty by all means. Uncle Tunde met Laura when he was in his 3rd year and set things in motion between them. Throughout Uncle Tunde’s stay on campus, it was Laura everyone saw as the “home” chic although they were other side chicks. It remained quite unclear to some of Uncle Tunde’s colleagues if he did what he did out of love or out of lust; things like giving Laura the spare key to his room, allowing Laura spend countless nights with him, buying gifts for her and allowing her to cook the meals if time allowed.
If I was asked what this looked like, as a relationship lecturer which I am, I would tell you they were dating but when I got the chance to ask Uncle Tunde years after their marriage, he said he never asked her out. That response made me terribly weak. You never asked her out, so was it supposed to be a “Friends With Benefit” thing? On a second thought, Uncle Tunde created an impression which could mean Laura is my lover or Laura is my catch. The only mistake he made was that he failed to define which one Laura was to him!
As fate would have it, Uncle Tunde graduated same year with Laura. He course he was studying ran through six years while Laura’s course ran through four years.
The payback began when she started to see herself as the wife – you can’t throw four years of university show of love and three years of post-university “relationship” away, whether serious one or unserious one. She began to pay visits to Uncle Tunde’s family making sure that no one took her potential space, it was even rumoured that she threatened to do the unthinkable if she doesn’t get that space. In the end, she got it and Uncle Tunde had to accept she had come to stay.
Don’t blame me for making this a big deal because it is actually. So, before you end up like Uncle Tunde, quickly tell the chic what you want – flirt mate, friends, chat pals, lover…
Before I turn my notes over, I’ll just like to say to my readers, especially the guys “please define what’s going on with that chic so that you both don’t get carried away” and my ladies kindly ask him “who do you belong to?” the answer will either be “you” or “somebody else”. And if you get this answer: “I belong to everyone” or “I belong to no one” then congrats for you might be dating His Excellency, President Muhammadu Buhari or not.
Kindly watch out for this new blog coming to you soon, I will be featuring weekly as your Columnist on relationships and similar topics.