It’s me again and today, I’m pissed!!
I’m pissed at a lot of things actually.
First of all on a lighter note I’m pissed that auto correct apparently thinks it’s smarter than me and knows the things I want to say better than I do.
But most importantly I’m pissed at myself and the fact that I never learn. Not to be self indulged; but my caring and loving nature are my motivation in this crazy world. I think it’s because I’m an optimist to the core.
Something’s gotta push you, right?
Over and over again I constantly remind myself to depend on just me asides God. We all know no one’s got your back like ‘you’ do. But I’ve come to realize it’s just inevitable that we meet certain people who make us rethink those decisions.
They creep into the innermost corners of our heart and make us forget those clear cut rules we set down and then we learn to compromise.
It may be that sister, friend, brother or lover; someone who you think would always be there for you simply because they constantly reminded you they would.
And then you believe it and put aside everything you ever learnt the hard way. But then when the chips are down, you realize that you’re all you’ve got and it was all just for show.
I believe that doing something for someone when it’s comfortable for you is only normal but being there for someone when you’d rather be somewhere else is just the magic that softens the heart and makes me know that I’m cared for.
Sometimes it gets so tiring being the one always giving and getting nothing in return. I guess sometimes it makes me question a lot of things.
Is it really too much to be genuinely cared for? I don’t just love giving surprises, I love receiving them too. I don’t just love dishing out hugs, I love receiving them too.
I want someone who’d be able to tell I’m lying whenever I say I’m fine after a short pause. I love it too when people make me laugh and do fun, stupid, cheesy, crazy things with me.
I’m really not as perfect as I may appear to be, tell me; who is?!!
I want all these things…
I may sound selfish but who isn’t?
Trust me, when you’ve given so much and gotten little in return, it stirs up something within you.
So there it is guys, I’m pissed at myself for giving too much and depending on people who disappoint me. The disappointments aren’t the issue but the pain and the way your insides get all cramped up because of the hurt really suck!!
The fault’s not theirs though, it’s mine, for being too expectant of people. The human nature is naturally self centered so why expect more?
But not everyone is completely guilty, I’m thankful for the people who’ve been there.
I guess in all, it’s just a strange time and I’m trying to find my foot in these drowning waters called life.
I honestly hope we all do someday….
See you next Friday.
…one lovely writer that’s passionate about relationship talks, a 400level student of the Faculty of Law.