***Clears Throat And Looks Around*** Am I Mad??
*Grabs Mic* – When you hear the popular cry “what are you waiting for???…Die!!!!” ohun awon tiwa niyen – then it means my brothers in the Lord are praying :D, you know that one already na, as I no come sabi speak in tongues **scratches head** but when you hear “what are you waiting for???…Faint!!!” Don’t be deceived – ma lo go ise yen, it is not MFM ooo, their enemies cannot faint, for whia? As per say dem fit go wake again – they must die ni.
What I’m about to tell you this week are things that happened in the real world – no film tricks – awon ti Jet Li! MFM prayers would make you “fall down and die” **Goes Down On My Knees To Pray For Forgiveness**** but when you “fall down and faint”, something else must have triggered it but not prayers.
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In memory of those that have fainted before – our dear Yar’adua 😀 😀 **no jokes** – fainting is not easy oo, especially for someone like me, awa ti #TeamDieHard but Die Hard sef go respect faint when hin see original faint situation – I’ve heard of babes that faint in poor ventilated lecture rooms *epele* – I watched one Yoruba movie and in the movie, one bobo enter faint mode when him wan nack one babe only to see say chiika no get hole (sorry for my language) … Blood Of God – no jokes! I have one padi that fainted when his gf gave him the good news of pregnancy…ko ti e le. That is how my one time friend too nearly collapsed when he heard ASUU’s demands…wetin be him one, na him be FG…Nawah!! People sha can like to faint anyhow – awon ti China gan sef JJJ. Anyways, in memory of those that fainted or chose to faint, let’s review some situations and check if it was really worth fainting for?
-AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE PRESS: Gbege!! If you were charged with an offence of murder or any kind of criminal offence for that matter and you are asked to come in front of the camera to give your testimony, will you faint? Nawah oo, is that the best option?? Common, you can do better – On July 5, 2011 one Mr. Arowolo Akolade decided to faint when he was asked to come in front of the camera to give his testimony on what he knew about the death of his wife whom he was accused of killing.
-RECEIVING JUDGEMENT IN THE COURT: Lmao Lwkmd Rotfl!!….you are in the dock waiting for the Judge to pass “fair” judgment and all of a sudden your ears pick up something like “…20 years imprisonment with har…”, before you hear it finish sef, you might just daku, haa kilon jebe?? … aiye ti pari niyen especially when it’s “14 years” – you know what I mean nau :D:D – Saturday, May 18 2013 was more like it when one of the manufacturers of “My Pikin” fainted in the court after he had his jail term, dem wake baba chaply (opelope quick medical attention ) say “ogbeni u must chop your punishment ni o … malo ma daku sibi, #TeamKoSoShi JJ
-TOUCH OF A CELEB: Before you even say what you think on this, I must say na total rubbish … maka why faint – abi una neva chop? *In Oga Victor Ikpeba’s Yankee Voice** – ‘don’t know what’s up with these guys sef that think they can faint anyhow’, I trust 9ja, we no dey faint for any celeb – if I faint, wey you sef faint, who go pour water for our body…we gas dey kaku nau – Peter and Paul Okoye are beginning to get worried with the way fans faint when watching their performances on stage…different dates, different people – Ghanaians, Zimbabweans and all those hunger-stricken countries (I didn’t say that oo) – and that was how that nigga fainted after getting a hug from Beyonce … mscheeew iranu!
-LEAKED NUDES: Hellooo oo – you wake up one lovely morning, get dressed and walk into the day only to see you nudes pasted around the campus *eyes wide open* oti shele!!!, then a friend tells you “the pishure dey net sef” yepah!!! That is when all types of Jamb kweshun will start flowing – “How did it get there… who put it there… which site???” – As if it will be there if not that you took it in the first place! Shey na to faint be the next or to cry abi hide…I don’t know oo – Sometime around January last year, that chubby dark coloured actress (as you already know, that’s my taste :D), Angela Tabiri (Ghana’s soft porn star ) woke up only to faint chaply when she heard that her nudes were all over the net, you know the regular gist – “I took them with my bf…”, her story was different sha, her bf didn’t leak them like our Miss UNIZIK’s bf proudly did – poor gurl.
-DRUG ABUSE: Allow me to say we Naija strong gan – when other girls fit faint at the slightest feeling of pain, our Naija babes are ready to pull out strong even at the highest feeling of pain, be it menstrual pain, aftermath of abortion, break ups, errrmmm…*lips sealed** or how should I explain this – on this fateful day in Zimbabwe, peeps were in a bus and all of a sudden, one babe just ‘started’, at first she was sweating madly, then she stripped and finally she chose to faint…awon aiye (the aprokos) later found out that our babe took a portion from one female herbalist to tighten her vagina, and so gbeke go shele – she wan impress bobo – onkpe…kilo tie ma se awon babies yii na, is it by force???
-ELECTION LOSS: Choi, this kind thing dey pain person no be small thing – I know how Labzy felt when he lost that SU election to T Cool and I have also seen how bad people react when they fail to win an election but the question is “maka why faint na?” – That was how one EBSU student fainted after losing one common departmental election. Is it the pain of losing that is this much, nawah o…come to think of it, what is it that they have lost gan gan – the position, the fame, money or they just want to faint? Rotfl…Lmao
-MAD BEATING: When I say mad beating, bikoh, abeg, ejor I mean real mad beating, not the kind you got from your teachers back in secondary school nor the kind you will get from seniors in the boarding school (for me, them Chuddy Ogobegwu, Precious Eboh, Akor and the likes would be forever remembered for beating me well in KC). Anyways, when I say mad beating, I mean the touch from “awon agba awo to n fi ase m’omi” – MOPOL, Soldiers, 😀 awon igbaju gbankan gbin **Rotflmao** and the kind you get from an angry ashewo – a Gwanda man from Senondo suburb would forever be a living testimony after receiving crazy ass beating from one ashy, the dude received all the satisfaction he asked for ‘all through the night’ only for him to find out that he had nothing but $2 on him when he was asked to pay ‘the morning after’, mama chaply go gather her union people (ashewo sef get union na…na him be say dem fit strike oo, ASUU be warned) 😀 😀 😀 , dem perplex baba so tey baba faint D:D. I’m pretty sure if it were to be a Ghanaian ashy, she would just demand sex again, and again and again till baba go faint (you know what I mean – *winks*) …. U go fear.
As I said in the beginning of this write up, this is in memory of those that have fainted in the Lord and were revived **lol** and those that revived themselves *Lmao*, please don’t leave this write up without commenting which situation is worth fainting for and kindly include any situation that you think is missing in this write up…catch ya next week. **Drops Mic**