SURVIVAL TIPS IN THE GARAGE

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*Alarm*** 6.30am…I wake up that early, no be today… *YAWNS*. Monday Morning – I hate Mondays jor…..there was no real plan for the day so I opened 3rd Edition of my Inspiro Magazine to read…. – *Phone rings*** ehen, it was my popular friend, Sammie GnS **tualeh tualeh***…baba wanted me to deliver one package to Ibadan for him through bus…choi, that meant going to the bus stop this early morn morn…no qualms sha, as my boss, so I set out…

AT THE BUS STOP

*I had earpiece to my ear although I wasn’t listening to any song*** na my scope be dat so that I can act ‘I no hear u’. As a sharp Lagos boy, I was observing – you must sharpen your eyes and so bobo eyes just dey circle every corner now and then when then I noticed one funny scene – awon omo danfo dey do aro for this chic 😀 😀 😀 – aro is most times fun to watch when some boys on campus do it for girls but here, it was at its best gaan gan‘fine geh…’(hello cutie), ‘abi soosi dipa lon lo ni…’(…answer us now or are you a member of Deeper Life Church), ‘wa tie kiyan…’(be polite now, just greet us), ‘oo le’ko ooo, oo ti e fine kobo…’(you lack manners…you are not even cute), ‘..fun wa ni numba ee abi se pin lon lo’(give us your number or your bb pin) =)) =)) … the babe don frustrate finish gaan so she sha go reply, she didn’t even reply in ibile language, she chose the ‘tush’ lane and gave them in English… *ROTFLMAO* lobatan…she don f up – they began with her… I left the scene immediately so I missed the rest but I know one thing for sure – ‘she got washed’ *IN ELDEE’S VOICE***. Poor girl, only if she had asked me to give her lessons on how to laugh out of situations like this.

As a good boy J , I wouldn’t pray for a  girl to fall into that trap and come out moody, so here are survival tips in the garage for you…boiz are left out (until we start having proper female agberos…. =))

-Number ONE – Don’t Speak English: *In Olamide’s Voice* – ‘are you a learner…kilo ti e man se awon omo Eko yii naa’, awon ti igboro dey yan with you for dia language and you are saying stuffs like ‘excuse me..’ :D, ‘are you out of your mind…’ =)), ‘see this thing ooo…’:D =)) – if you say English lasan, then you want to te (you want to get yourself in some real shit)… god punish English sef abi wetin naa. And I trust the garage boiz they will help you spoil your day once you start with effizy grammar…if you must talk at all, say in pidgin….finish!

-Number TWO – Don’t Wait For ‘Sorry’: Did u fall down? :/ Nawah O! Someone steps on your shoe or your sandal, ***ssssh*** just move on…why must you hear sorry? Dem dey use am collect money for banksee this one ooo, you now tap the garage boy and you are like ‘excuse me, you stepped on….’, trust me, the nigga would be gone before you finish and if you now want to wash yourself (Y) just tap him again and hear a bit about how fake your shoe is – #TeamRubberSandals 😀

-Number THREE – Forget Your Rights: ***In Olamide’s Voice***’Hellooo, awayu? I Hear Say Na You Wan Dey Claim Your Rights!’ – This one is for the Barrister Ganis and the Miss Akinyulis … someone is blocking the small pavement with his dirty feet, ehen…and so? Common, get down and keep walking … so you want to tell him he is not meant to block the road – well-done, u want to te sef abi??? … or you are in the bus already, chilling while the conductor is trying to get more passengers, then one ugly big-lip tout puffs smoke beside you, just change location, don’t bother to educate him so that you can have a nice day….u dig?

-Number FOUR – Learn To Endure: ***In A Driver’s Voice In Ikotun Garage*** ‘Challenge, Ojo, UI’, the agbero is talking into the microphone near you and all the saliva in his mouth is sprinkling itself near you, endure it ooo and play dumb, better still, change position … you are passing by and they begin to catch fun, call it aro ‘yepaaah…kilo gbe saya ke’(OMG, are these boobs or what?), sister just endure … ’ko feda fun e ni, se oo ya were sha’(see this unfortunate being, are you mad?) abeg just endure … no go vex yan ooo cos it’s there zone and you haff to beri for them

-Number FIVE – Just Smile: ***In Phenom’s Voice*** ‘ma lo maa rerin bii akayin’, when I say smile, I mean simple one, not the ‘come and do me smile’ that the hoeloshos do wear on their faces at night oo X_X, if you put up that one ehn, then you are on your own – your own haff do niyen, they can even tap your ass lightly because it means ‘welcome, my legs are well apart’ – when you hear ‘auntie yii ti wapa ju’(this lady is on point) don’t give them the straight face, ‘iya waa mo juba ooo, eru le gbe oo’(errrmmm…the translation *scratches head*:D) don’t chin bone at all ooo … it is well **Sigh**

-Number SIX – Reply When You Have To: **Looks Around** Where are these Mass Comm. Students, the CLA students…? If you don’t belong there, then better go and learn how to interact! When you hear ‘auntie, e kasan, a n kin yin o’ (hello sister, I’m greeting you oo) reply, ‘fine girl, whors your time abeg’ please reply :D. It won’t take anything away from you to just reply them. The other side to this is the area of fancy calls ‘auntie’ ‘sister’, the first thing you should do is to look back, it may be that something fell off from your pocket or something is about to fall off, those guys can be nice you know.

-Number SEVEN – Wear It Right: To the last but not the least – wear it right always! Do not wear anything that would show too much of your body and do not appear ‘too flashy’. Awon boiz yen o ran yan even if they see boobs – if you mock this rule, those boiz will mock you, trust me. So, if you know you want to break this particular rule, then travel in your car or use the private cabs….shikena *drops pen*

*Picks It Up Again** Before I forget, I wantu congratulate our favourite Arsene Wenger’s side for their shameful display last week, just like my tweet on Saturday read, I would say “CONGRATS GUNNERS, WELCOME TO A NEW SEASON” – Benteke welcomed them sha, not me anyways 😀 😀 😀 😀 =)) =)) Let’s hope tonight’s story is going to be different!

Check Me Next Week For Another Serious Write UP **Drops Pen And Walks Away*

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4 thoughts on “SURVIVAL TIPS IN THE GARAGE

  1. theinkheart 21/08/2013 / 11:06

    *holds tummy* let me finish laughing, I’ll come back and comment…. Hilarious something

  2. 'Bamiyo 21/08/2013 / 14:08

    Thanks hunnie…gimme ur blog addy, want 2 ff up and ff me too…

  3. mexz 24/08/2013 / 07:30

    Funny one bro…olenu

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